Singham(song) Spoof -Chewing-gum

Try humming only after hearing the original song

Daant tod na paye
Dil chod na paye
Juban fisal jaye
Lalchaaye.....Chin-gum

Aag jala na paye
fridge jama na paye
koi bacha na paye
(gale me)Atak jaaye Chin-gum

Tarike se fulaao to gubbaara ban jaaye
Juice iska khatam ho jae to kursi pe chipka de
Chipka dega bum
isme hai thoda gum
kehte hain ise Chin-gum

Daant tod na paye
Dil chod na paye
Juban fisal jaye
Lalchaaye.....Chin-gum

Aag jala na paye
fridge jama na paye
koi bacha na paye
atak jaaye Chin-gum

Kiraane ki dukaan pe Chutte me mil jaaye
Inflation chahe jitna ho ek rupaye me aaaye
Koi bhi sakta kharid
Ameer ho ya Garib
Saccha ho ya Ram-lingam ......

Hook lyrics

Anti-Intoxication Rap

Injurious to health and wealth,with a warning on its label
Why are you wasting time when your mind is so stable

Its a slow poison,making you slow
but it kills faster than sex kills a hoe
Its destroying your body from head to toe
then why are you puffing 6 packs in a row

It consumes 2 mins and deducts 5 from your life
why don't you rather have sex with your wife

Taking you to higher world,thats just a myth
That world is a Matrix and every cigar is a smith

You are just a sucker while cigarette smokes itself
if you just control it ain't gonna light itself

and Alcohol is fake,more dangerous than Osama
it will make you an agent Mahone stuck in Panama
If you hate yourself then enjoy your shot
You will get cancer and have to pee a lot

and CLASSIC ain't a classic and beer is a lie
we don't need Magic Moments to get high
Have milk instead and wank off every night
you will get higher and have 24-7 delight

I don't need ethanol nor i need a pill
look at me getting high at my will
Coz my way is one way ,it ain't has no junction
even infinity is not my maxima,i am a tan function

TEAM INDIA RAP

This is team INDIA beating the odds,
Winning the games and setting records

Sachin is confident and Sehwag is fit
he treats every ball like its a free hit

We have a balanced pair of Kohli and Gambhir
While Munaf is as good as southpaw Zaheer

With a middle order of Dhoni and Yuvi
more dangerous than radiations of UV

King of the spin Bhajji is essential
while the smile of Sreesanth was just vestigial

On the field we are agile like a snake
we can make a mountain look like a cake

We lost the toss and had some bad luck
but we were destined to win the world cup

It was a team effort and everybody was equal
and if this rap works I am writing a sequel

Wanna criticize,save it for other time
dude this is a rap not a nursery rhyme

Some say i am a clown and think me as a trash can
perhaps they should see what Joker did to Batman

SACHIN RAP

His name is Sachin,born with a bat,
             not to defend but to attack

              From the helmet to the pads
he plays for the nation not for the ads

                   Be it Akhtar or Bret lee
he hits the ball where no one can see


It doesn't matter how is the crease
he has worked hard to bat with ease

His height is low but morals are high
which clearly shows his no of allies

Be it one day or a test
he is GOD but still modest

Outside the ground he does charity
    but on the pitch he defies gravity

He thinks with his brains not with his junk
             In his class even Warne will flunk

             He is consistent like a sage
with an average greater than his age

Learn from Sachin,through the tons he has made
Its not about the luck but success is Pre-paid

THE RIGHT THING

Whenever someone tells you to do the RIGHT THING he/she is telling you to do what they want you to do.In reality the right/wrong and morals are all a personal opinion.One particular thing may be perfectly right according to someone while someone else may think that it is highly immoral to do.For example a thief may think it is right to steal while the one getting robbed will obviously think otherwise. 
I don't know why these things are standardized by people.And don't get me started on Law.There are only two type of people who don't break the Law.One are those who respect the Law(which are quite less in percentage).While most don't break the Law because they are too afraid of getting caught.
Many also say that the TRUTH always triumphs or Satyameva Jayate.But they are actually playing a cruel trick on you.All that is just a piece of bullshit.It is always the BETTER that wins.Because Truth and Lie aka (Sach aur Jhoot) are just facts while RIGHT AND WRONG are personal opinions.Never get confused between TRUTH/LIE and RIGHT/WRONG as they are independent of each other.All the ancient history and most of the fictions want you to believe that GOOD people always win and BAD people die in the end. But the fact is that they don't die because they are BAD,they die because they are not good at it.
So what should one do?
I think everyone should do what they think is RIGHT and should not bother about  the morals because morals come from heart and everyone has a unique heart.Otherwise they are just cowards.And no matter what you do always try to get better.Even if you are the best,it doesn't mean you are good enough.
LIFE ME KUCH BHI KARO STUDAPE SE KARO.....AGAR BHEEK BHI MANGNI HAI TO AISE MAANGO KI DEENE WALE KO BHI LAGE KI WO BHEEK NAHI INVESTMENT KAR RAHA HAI.

GOD vs SATAN

This is what happened when i was travelling from kgp to baroda
I thought it would be too boring as none of my friends were in the train...
I was listening my i pod and suddenly a boy of around  half my age poked me
i said "what"
Boy-tell me a story...
Me-are u kidding me..
Boy-hey i am a kid ..kidding is my right....but i am not..
Me- go to your parents.....
Boy-they are asleep...
Me-so you go and sleep....
Boy(snatches my ipod)-if you dont tell me a story i will throw it outside...
i was shocked....the boy was a genius
Me-ok fine...what kind of story you want to hear...
Boy-what do you have
Me-what do you want...
Boy-what are my options....
Me-you have 2 options...give my ipod now or listen to what i tell
Boy-ok...tell me

so here goes my story...

"

God and Satan are in a fight to decide who rules the earth...

both God and Satan are very tired during the fight....both don't see the outcome of the fight...

Satan-see this isnt going anywhere....

God- i see....we will be so tired that earth will have no ruler....

Satan-lets settle this then....

God-how?

Satan-i dont know...why do i always have to think...

God-ok..let me think..yeah ...you agree that i am the controller of good and you are the controller of evil...

Satan..yes..but what that has to do anything to do with this fight.....

God-it is important ...let the one who is more committed to his belief be the winner...

Satan-seems fair...

God-ok let me go first...

Satan-why do you get to go first?

God-do you want to go first?

Satan(hesitates)-no..

God-then shut ur mouth...

                

God-The magnitude of good in this world is always greater than that of evil......

Satan-how do you figure....

God-because statistics show that more people believe in me than you and that too by a huge difference..so i win  

Satan-but we agreed that who is more committed to ones belief will be the winner...

God-so what.....people on earth don't believe you...so your belief is weak

Satan-my belief does not require people to believe in me..so you are wrong...

God-okay i do good things to everyone one the planet..

Satan-so what.....i do bad things to everyone...

God-there it is...u don't discriminate people while doing evil....discrimination is a part of evil....that means you are not pure evil ...you have some voids...

And that is how god defeated Satan..              

"
The kid was yawning

Me- so how do you like the story..

Boy-it sucked...now i am really feeling sleepy..

Me-Of course it sucks...it is a kid story...but whats important is what you learn from it...so tell me...what is the moral?

Boy-good always wins over bad..

Me-no,thats not the moral....the moral is....god is a great politician...  

Boy-So am i....(and runs away with my ipod).....

                          THE END

Ab mujhe neend aa rahi hai

Secret of Happiness

When i was in class 10th everyone used to tell me "Study for the boards.After that you will be free.".I studied hard hoping for future happiness.As soon as i finished my board exams i joined Bansals.They said "Study hard for just 2 years.After you clear JEE you can do whatever you want and you will be happy." After entering IIT profs tell you the same thing and after getting a JOB your boss will be no different to you. And one day on your deathbed you will wonder "What did i do in life."


Listening to the people all the time is going to take you nowhere.People are using happiness as a bait so that you follow them around and wipe their ass.Happiness is not about satisfying others,its about satisfying yourself.TOTAL Happiness is the integration of the "dx" happiness you get everyday.People get so involved in their future plans that they forget the importance of this "dx" element.Think and work hard for what you actually like and do this daily.I assure you that when you fulfill these things you will get immense satisfaction.As a personal example it took me over a month to learn this but i can never forget the day i was able to do it for the first time .

This may seem to be stupid to you but you know what,i don't give a rats ass.Happiness varies person to person.People work all their life hoping for a Happy Ending.But i don't care just about happy ending.I want to be happy till the ending.
The moral here is that if you want to be happy throughout your life don't care too much about what others expect from you.Trust your instincts and fight for your passion and i guarantee that one day your heart will hug your brain.Thats why i say "APNA KAAM BANTA,TO BHAD ME JAE JUNTA" (There is a dirtier version of this quote but i wont mention it in this blog)